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The current period marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to going for someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {